DR. DOBSON: Having never had a period, it is difficult for a man to comprehend the bloated, sluggish feeling that motivates his wife’s snappy remarks and irritability during the premenstrual period. 

I am reminded of an incident related to me by my late friend Dr. David Hernandez, who was an obstetrician and gynaecologist in private practice. The true story involved Latin men whose wives were given birth control pills by a pharmaceutical company. The Federal Drug Administration in America would not permit hormonal research to be conducted, so the company selected a small fishing village in South America, which agreed to cooperate.

All the women in the town were given the pill on the same date, and after three weeks, the prescription was terminated to permit menstruation. That means, of course, that every adult female in the community was experiencing premenstrual tension at the same time. The men couldn’t take it. They all headed for their boats each month and remained at sea until the crisis passed.

Going fishing is not the answer to monthly physiological stresses, of course. It is extremely important for a man to learn to anticipate his wife’s menstrual period, recognizing the emotional changes that will accompany it. Of particular importance is the need for affection and tenderness during this time, even though she may be rather unlovable for three or four days.

He should also avoid discussions of financial problems or other threatening topics until the internal storm has passed, and keep the home atmosphere as tranquil as possible.

Let me conclude by addressing a final comment directly to husbands. Because stress is such an influential factor in this problem of premenstrual tension, anything you can do to reduce environmental pressure is sure to help her feel better. If you are aware of the times when she is going to be feeling the strain, you should lighten the family commitments.

Eating out can reduce the obligation to plan and cook meals. Do what you can to keep the kids out of her hair, especially the noisy, younger ones. Take them to the park for an afternoon. Read to them or engage them in a quiet game, leaving their mother free to relax as much as possible.

Because you wife’s sexual desire is at a law ebb that week, make fewer physical demands on her - but continue to be affectionate, reassuring and loving toward her. Remember that women often feel “ugly” when they are experiencing premenstrual tension, so let her know that you find her as attractive as ever.

 In some ways, the husband’s role during his wife’s menstrual period should be that of an understanding, loving, gentle parent. Just as parents do more giving than receiving, this is a man’s time to support his wife in every way possible.
 

QUESTION: What should parents look for as symptoms of drug abuse?

DR. DOBSON: Listed below are eight physical and emotional symptoms that may indicate substance abuse by your child or teenager:

1. Inflammation of the eyelids and nose is common. The pupils of the eyes are either very wide or very small, depending on the kind of drugs internalized.

2. Extremes of energy may be represented. Either the individual is sluggish, gloomy and withdrawn, or he may be loud, hysterical and jumpy.

3. The appetite is extreme - either very great or very poor. Weight loss may occur.

4. The personality suddenly changes. The individual may become irritable, inattentive and confused, or aggressive, suspicious and explosive.

5. Body and breath odour is often bad. Cleanliness is generally ignored.

6. The digestive system may be upset - diarrhea, nausea and vomiting may occur. Headaches and double vision are also common. Other signs of physical deterioration may include change in skin tone and body stance.

7. Needle marks on the body, usually appearing on the arms, are an important sign. These punctures sometimes get infected and appear as sores and boils.

8. Moral values often crumble and are replaced by new, way-out ideas and values.

These questions and answers are excerpted from the book Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions. Dr. James Dobson is a psychologist, author and president of Focus on the Family, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the preservation of the home. Correspondence to Dr. Dobson should be addressed to: Focus on the Family, P. O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, CO 80903. (c), 1982, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.