Joe Campbell

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A coat hanger bill of rights

Light is Right Joe Campbell My plumber impressed me when he drove up in a box truck full of tools and spare parts. Although I had let my fixtures deteriorate significantly, resulting in leaky faucets, faulty flushing devices, clogged drains, and the like, he was ready for anything. Or so it seemed. After several hours of inspecting, repairing, and replacing, he took on a bathroom sink that ... (Continue reading)

Take a vow

Light is Right Joe Campbell To wed is to marry. But there are differences. Weddings, including related celebratory events, last a day or two. Marriages, including related blessed events, last a lifetime. This, at any rate, is the intention. And yet couples often spend more time preparing for weddings than for marriages. Maybe that’s why failed marriages outnumber failed weddings. When they fail, marriages usually end in ... (Continue reading)

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Seeing Red

It looks as though the Senate is here to stay, unreformed and unloved. I’m speaking, of course, of the Canadian Senate, also known as the Red Chamber. The nickname, from the traditional royal colour of the interior, symbolizes historic links with the Crown. The Senate also has historic links with patronage appointments, a sense of entitlement and, more recently, an expense claims scandal. Maybe we should re-nickname it the Red-Faced Chamber. The Senate is also called the chamber of sober second thought. ... (Continue reading)

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Beware the sexperts

Light is Right Joe Campbell Like me, you might not have known that sexpert is an officially recognized word. Well, it is. You can look it up in the Oxford dictionary, which defines it as an expert in sexual matters. I don’t object to the word. I do, however, object to the definition. I think it should be an alleged expert. Years ago, sexperts told us that we ... (Continue reading)

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Light is Right Joe Campbell I’ve tried, really I have, but I can’t understand why, as a society, we discriminate so aggressively against homosexuals. Rare is he, or she, who at some point in life does not need help for mental, physical or spiritual disorders, if not all three. But when homosexuals need help, we deny or ignore afflictions that ought to be obvious to anyone, ... (Continue reading)

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Light is Right Joe Campbell Judges think they’re divine, apparently. When interpreting the constitution, they can create something out of nothing. That’s what they did with same-sex “marriage.” Lawyers know they’re human, apparently. When pleading cases, they can create something out of anything. That’s what they did when they made sleepwalking a defense against murder charges. An even more creative defense awaits them. It originated with ... (Continue reading)

The ‘news’

The ‘news’

Light is Right Joe Campbell I used to think that I recognized what news is. After all, I spent most of my working life in the news business. I don’t mean to say that I could define news. I wasn’t sure that I could. But like the jurist who wasn’t sure that he could define obscenity, I knew it when I saw it. Now, however, I seem ... (Continue reading)

The ultimate euphemism

Light is Right Joe Campbell “Yes,” Dingwall said, “I’m speaking out. I’ve reached the point where I can remain silent no longer.” I was taken aback. Dingwall is the last person I would have accused of not speaking out. “To preserve my sanity,” he said, “I have no choice but to admit that I’m abused.” “Abused?” I repeated, startled. “Not verbally, emotionally, psychologically, physically or sexually. I’m abused intellectually. ... (Continue reading)

Vested interests

Light is Right Joe Campbell “They considered the science settled,” Dingwall said. “On global warming?” I asked. “On global immobility,” he replied. “In the seventeenth century, influential academics insisted that the earth is the immovable centre of the universe and the sun orbits it. That’s why they rejected Galileo, who asserted the opposite.” “It sounds a lot like today,” I said, “when influential academics insist that, because of human ... (Continue reading)

Name game

Light is Right Joe Campbell Yes, in answer to the musical question, I know what it means to miss New Orleans. In 1981, while holidaying there, I sat in on trumpet with two jazz bands at the Famous Door. Not simultaneously. Successively. Simultaneously would have been understandable, as no one knew what to expect from me. Successively was inexcusable, as everyone knew what to expect the second ... (Continue reading)


Light is Right Joe Campbell Inconsistency always amuses me. It’s one of the funniest elements of humour. The sayings of Yogi Berra are consistently inconsistent. That’s why we laugh at them. That’s why we ought to laugh at the sayings of progressives. They are consistently inconsistent, too. When Yogi Berra says things like “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded,” I laugh until I cry. When progressives ... (Continue reading)

Where ignorance is blessed

Light is Right Joe Campbell “It’s a creative approach to saving souls,” Dingwall said. “What is?” I asked. “Invincible ignorance,” Dingwall replied. Although we often talked about Church teaching, this was the first time he had mentioned invincible ignorance. “I’m not sure I understand,” I said. “Invincible ignorance is a deficiency of knowledge that you can’t reasonably overcome and consequently are not responsible for,” he explained. “I know what it means,” I ... (Continue reading)

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Our place in the sun

Light is Right Joe Campbell From time to time, federal politicians fantasize about inviting the Turks and Caicos Islands to join Canada. I don’t share that dream. I fantasize about inviting Canada to join the Turks and Caicos Islands. If all we want is to hang out in the Caribbean without going through customs, it doesn’t much matter who annexes whom. But I want more than that. ... (Continue reading)

Heavy turbulence

Light is Right Joe Campbell “I suppose you’ve heard,” Molder said, “that the airlines are buying lighter planes.” “Lighter than what?” Bimsom asked, as dangling comparatives irritate him. “Lighter than they used to be,” Molder said. “What’s wrong with darker planes?” Bimsom asked. “It’s not about hue,” Molder said. “It’s about weight. For every pound they reduce the weight of their planes, the airlines say they save up to $60 ... (Continue reading)

Mad pride

Light is Right Joe Campbell My editor had got me an exclusive interview with Professor Hans Bunglethorpe. “I’ve never heard of Professor Bunglethorpe,” I said. “Of course, you haven’t,” he replied. “Nobody has. You’ll be the first reporter he has agreed to talk to. Once you’ve broken the story, everyone will have heard of him.” “Everyone?” “He’s made a landmark discovery. He’ll be drowning in publicity” “It sounds like a ... (Continue reading)

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