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Oct 2004
Men and abortion: the forgotten victims
David Bolton The Interim
 As
the chaplain of Teen Challenge of Central Canada and executive director
of the Lighthouse Mission in Calgary Alta., 45-year-old Pentecostal
Assemblies of Canada minister Rev. Scott Miller found that many of the
men he counsels were, what could be called, the "forgotten victims of
abortion." Miller even decided to make this issue the subject of his
dissertation, "Bringing Post-Abortive Men to a Place of Healing" while
studying for his doctorate of ministry at Providence Theological Seminary
in Otterburne, Man.
Teen Challenge is the ministry started by Rev. David Wilkerson, author
of one of the most famous and bestselling books in modern Christian
literature, The Cross and the Switchblade. The Teen Challenge Ministry
was started by Wilkerson to help young men overcome serious substance
addictions through the power of belief in Jesus Christ.
As Miller was counselling the young men under his care, he found that
many of them had been involved in the abortion of their unborn children.
This involvment took many forms and each carried with it a potential
legacy of hurt and pain; that is:
- They encouraged
or supported the woman's decision to have an abortion.
- They pressured
her to abort.
- They abandoned
her to make the decision alone.
- They didn't agree
with the decision to abort, but went along with it, because it was
her body and it's what she seemed to want.
- They tried to
stop her having an abortion but couldn't.
- They learned
about the abortion only after it happened, not knowing their partner
was pregnant, and therefore never had any input regarding the decision.
Miller found that significantly
more men involved with abortion, rather than men who's wives or partners
carried to term and gave birth, reported poor relationships with either
or both parents, a more unhappy childhood, more psychiatric illnesses
in their family and a higher incidence of alcoholism, drug dependency,
neurosis, and compulsive gambling.
Miller's research shows that
the majority of men in abortuary waiting rooms feel isolated, angry
at their partners and themselves, and-or concerned about the physical
and emotional damage the abortion might cause their partners.
According to the law, men
have few rights to protect their offspring, and this for some is a cause
for anger. Propaganda that talks about abortion being "a woman's choice"
effectively excludes men from the decision-making, and many men who
feel isolated from the decision (especially if they are opposed to the
abortion) feel emasculated and powerless.
Some men do offer and seek
to provide both financial and emotional support to their partner or
wife and child, but she may have a low attachment to the unborn child,
and has possibly placed other considerations ahead of having a family
or another child at the time. This can be hurtful for a man and very
difficult to deal with.
Many factors influence how
a man will respond to an abortion - his background, values and beliefs,
the part he has played in the decision and the actual process, current
situation and ambitions. Thoughts and feelings before or after an abortion
depend on whether or not he allows himself to get in touch with his
feelings surrounding the pregnancy and abortion, and realizes what the
abortion means in real terms. This realization may not happen till later
in life, when his situation and circumstances change, for example, to
include a family.
Men can be affected by abortion
in similar ways to women and many have reported post-abortion problems
such as:
- feelings of grief
and helplessness
- feelings of guilt
and shame
- depression
- sexual dysfunction
- substance abuse
- self-hatred
- self-esteem and
confidence problems
- fear of relationships
- increased risk-taking
and suicidal behaviour
- greater tendencies
to becoming angry or violent
- a sense of lost
manhood
Because of the culture of
machismo prevalent in male society, speaking about the effects of abortion
is an even greater taboo for men than for women. If a man wants to grieve,
he had better do it privately. If he feels that the abortion has denied
him his child, he had better work it through himself. Typical male grief
includes remaining silent and grieving alone. In the silence, a man
can harbour guilt and doubts about his ability to protect himself and
those he loves. Some become depressed and-or anxious, others controlling,
demanding and directing. Still others become enraged and failure in
any relationship can trigger hostility from their disenfranchised grief.
A guilt-ridden, tormented man does not easily love or accept love.
As a result of his 14 years
of working with post-abortive men, Miller has reached out to other ministries,
such as Rachel's Vineyard and pro-life organizations like League for
Life, to bring the plight of post-abortive men into the light. It was
League for Life that invited Miller to be a featured speaker at the
upcoming Life 2004 annual pro-life conference taking place in Winnipeg
Oct. 14-16.
At the conference, Miller
will be conducting a workshop entitled, "A Healing Model for Post-Abortion
Men Using the 12-Step Method" and presenting the therapeutic methodology
of his new ministry, "House of Esau." This model of ministry believes
that the most important part of recovery from post-abortion trauma is
forgivness. Forgiveness both of self, and the one whom the man feels
is most responsible for his plight - his partner, who actually went
through with the abortion.
It seems that not only women
and unborn children are victims of this act, but men too are victims
- the forgotten victims.
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